On the Healing Path

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Photo from Flickr Creative Commons. Artist: David H-W

I almost named this blog, “The Healing Path” or something along those lines. Grieving mothers often talk about their life after the loss of their child as walking a path. We walk with our grieving sisters. It’s a sad, sad, road.

I imagine this place as a spot for me to talk about healing from the death of my daughter, obviously. But, imagine that any of you stumbling upon this blog are joining me for a moment on this path, whether you’ve lost a child or not.

I wrote about this on the blog I started for my daughter, Cora, a few days ago, but at the two year mark since her death, I for the first time can wrap my mind around the word “healing” to describe living after she died. I so disliked that word, and when people talked to me about “healing.”

I don’t think this is something that one heals from in the slightest. This is something that I survived. It’s something that was akin to a rebirth or a reawakening. I’m not the person I was before. I’m more kind. More patient. Less outgoing and have less patience for the trivial and more patience and time for the big things in life.

The word heal to me infers that this is something I’ll get better to me. That I’ll turn back into the person I was. While writing this, I became curious to read the definition of the word elsewhere. This is what I found: 

v. healedheal·ingheals

v.tr.

1. To restore to health or soundness; cure. See Synonyms at cure.
2. To set right; repair: healed the rift between us.
3. To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness.
v.intr.

To become whole and sound; return to health.”
To set right? My daughter died in my arms, that will never be set right or repaired. Restoration to spiritual wholeness won’t happen in this lifetime. There is a piece of my missing, I will never be whole.
Instead, I’m using my altered definition of healing. I won’t be whole, but I can life a holistic lifestyle. I can’t try to fill the gap that Cora left with anything. I must life with it and around it.
I can’t be restored, but I can live in the moment and feel each moment.
Whatever healing means to you, please feel free to write down my address and pop in if you’re in the mood. Welcome. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this path.
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4 Comments

  1. Today was the 2 year anniversary of my nephew’s birth/death… I agree: one doesn’t heal in the traditional sense, but one can journey on. Love you!

  2. PS~This is a beautiful blog!

  3. I have had two miscarriages in the past year and all though I never met my two beautiful children, I consider them just that, my children! It is something that some people expected me to “get over” quickly, but it is really not that easy. I wish I could have had just a few short moments with them just to hold them and tell them that I love them, but I have embraced the idea that they are now in a much better place then we are and I look forward to meeting my beautiful angels one day!

  4. I found your blog through Tiffany Torres/Julius’ blog. Thank you for writing and posting. I turn to blogs like yours when I feel there is no other place I can get any understanding or support. I lost my daughter Naima to SIDS a little over nine months ago. I know I will never be completely ‘healed’ and I am ok with that. And that is a healing thing in and of itself. Thanks again for your honesty and openness.

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